The Official Ohio Temperature Chart

Cooler temperatures are here. Days are shorter, nights are longer. Neighbors have been busy raking up leaves and preparing their yards for the winter; putting away hoses and lawn furniture, doing a final clean-up of flower beds, and already planning what they'll do differently in their yards next year.

During the past week I've had several conversations with people in other parts of the country. A national advertiser in Florida, said he's really enjoying the weather. "It's really cooled down, it's great," he bragged. "It'll only be 82 in Tampa today."

Now, Ohioans are a much more hardier breed. We're accustomed to the changes in the seasons. While some in other states might have a difficult time adjusting with temperature changes, we just go with the flow.

To explain this to those living elsewhere, I've prepared the Official Ohio Temperature Chart. The legislature is welcome to adopt it as part of the state motto, if it wishes.

60 degrees and above - South Carolinians wear coats, gloves, woolly hats.

Ohio people sunbathe.

50-59 degrees - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.

Ohio people plant gardens.

40-49 degrees - Italian cars won't start.

Ohio people drive with the windows down.

32 degrees - Water freezes.

Lake Erie's water gets thicker.

20 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably.

Ohio people have their last cook-out of the season, before it gets cold.

15 degrees -- New York landlords finally turn up the heat.

Ohio folks throw on a sweatshirt or sweater.

0 degrees - Californians head for Arizona.

Ohio people lick the flagpole and make snow angels.

20 below - People in Miami cease to exist.

Ohioans get out their winter coats.

40 below - Hollywood disintegrates.

Ohio's Girl Scouts being selling cookies door-to-door.

60 below - Polar bears being to evacuate Antarctica.

Ohio's Boy Scouts postpone their weekend "winter survival" camp out until it gets cold enough.

80 below - Mt. St. Helen's freezes.

Ohio people rent some videos.

100 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.

Ohio people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

297 below - Microbial life cannot exist on dairy products.

Ohio cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below - All atomic motion stops.

Ohio people start saying, "Cold 'nuff for you?"

500 below - Hell freezes over.

The Browns win the Super Bowl.

A reader, who read the recent column about finding humor during our economic situation, shared this story: Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda notices her friend seems troubled. She asks, "Is there something bugging you? You look anxious."

"Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money, savings, and retirement account in the stock market," Jill explains.

"Oh, that's too bad. I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him."

"Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me."