Summer classes for men only!
I noticed the following announcement on the Internet the other day. "The local community college is offering summer classes for men at the Learning Center for Adults. Registration must be completed by next Tuesday. Due to the complexity and difficulty level of the curriculum, class sizes are being limited to a maximum of eight participants."
Class 1: How to fill up ice cube trays. This is a step-by-step course with slide presentation. It meets four weeks, Monday and Wednesday for two hours beginning at 7 p.m.
Class 2: The toilet paper roll. Does it change itself? This is a round table discussion class meeting for two weeks on Saturdays at noon for two hours.
Class 3: Is it possible to go to the bathroom using the technique of lifting the seat and avoiding the floor, walls and nearby bathtub? Group practice. Meets for four weeks on Saturday at 10 p.m. for two hours.
Class 4: Fundamental differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Meets Saturdays at 2 p.m. for three weeks at Bob Krumm's house.
Class 5: After dinner dishes - can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink? Examples on video. Meets for four weeks, Tuesday and Thursdays, for two hours beginning at 7 p.m.
Class 6: Loss of identity - losing the remote control to your significant other. Help line and support groups. Meets for four weeks on Friday and Sunday at 7 p.m.
Class 7: Learning how to find things. You'll learn all about looking the in the right places. And not turning the house upside down while screaming. Open forum. Monday at 8 p.m. for two hours.
Class 8: Health watch - bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and audio tapes will teach you how to find a florist and pay for the flowers.
Class 9: Real men ask for directions when lost Listen to real life testimonials on Tuesdays starting at 6 p.m. Location of the class to be determined.
Class 10: Is it generically impossible to sit quietly while she parallel parks? Driving simulations. 4 weeks, Saturdays at noon for two hours.
Class 11: Learning to live - basic differences between mother and wife. Online classes and role-playing. Tuesdays at 7 p.m., location to be determined.
Class 12: How to be the ideal shopping companion. Course includes relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques. Also, videos on how to balance a checkbook and handle credit card issues.
Class 13: How to fight cerebral atrophy This course teaches men how to remember birthdays, anniversaries, and other important dates and calling when you're going to be late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.
Class 14: The oven/stove. What it is and how it is handled. Live demonstrations. Note: Due to the dangers involved with men and fire, a certified paramedic will be on hand at all times during this class.
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